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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26037013">This is probably the best, not to mention, the worst idea I have ever had</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodeyeCyborg/pseuds/GoodeyeCyborg'>GoodeyeCyborg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, bad alchemy, chimera, i have no idea how to tag this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:15:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26037013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodeyeCyborg/pseuds/GoodeyeCyborg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The events prior to the Elric siblings making a grim discovery about what exactly desperation and alchemy can do to someone. <br/>Please note, his is a reupload of a fic I had on here previously under a different title.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This is probably the best, not to mention, the worst idea I have ever had</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had taken her small hand in his own and led her to the basement. Alexander padded behind them, because he was a good dog. Sure, he’d started as a simple distraction to keep her from asking about where her mother was and when she would be coming back, but the dog had proven quite useful. A large dog was perhaps the best security. Made sure he could lock up whenever anyone came over. He couldn’t let them know what he was doing. What he had done. Shou had found himself grateful for Alexander now. The dog was calm, so Nina was calm. This was all easier without a fight. <br/>	“Come on Alexander! We have to help daddy!” The hand that wasn’t latched onto his found the dog’s collar. “We’re gonna be the best helpers, right daddy?”<br/>	He’d turned and forced a smile, “Of course!” <br/>	“Yay!” She squeezed his hand.<br/>	Shou’s heart sank. She’d been happy. Excited even, to help in the lab. Guilt, like bile, sat at the back of his throat with every step they’d taken down into the basement. <br/>	It was fine! Or it would be… He would figure out how to separate them. As soon as he was assessed he would fix this. He only hoped it would be enough. To harm them and gain nothing would be wrong. This was for them, after all. Afterwards, they would move. Yes, they would pack up and move far away from the capital and maybe he could retire from being a state alchemist. He could teach or something else that didn’t involve military research and the pressure that came with it. Everything was going to be alright. He just needed to do this. <br/>	He needed to. <br/>	It was the only option he had left. <br/>	They would understand. He hoped they would understand. Secretly, he hoped Nina wouldn’t remember. He could make sure she wouldn’t remember, but that seemed like it was a step too far. It was unclear where the line was anymore. It was more unclear whether or not that line even mattered. <br/>They reached the basement and he knelt before his daughter. She and the dog stood in the middle of the transmutation circle he’d meticulously drawn hours prior. His hands trembled as they rose to rest on her shoulders. They were so small. Smaller than his palms. Thin enough that he could feel her fragile bones beneath his fingers. She was frail, and for a brief, horrifying moment, he wasn’t sure she’d actually survive the first transmutation. <br/>       No. No she would be alright. He knew what he was doing.  He had learned from last time, and children were resilient. Nina was no exception, he was sure of that. She rarely cried even when she was hurt. Things like scraped knees were rarely presented to him in anything other than a matter of fact way, and were always solved with a bandage and a kiss on the cheek. She was a strong kid. <br/>       She would be fine. He was going to do this right and she was going to be fine. Shou took a breath and held it. Just a moment to steady his hands. Another to steady his mind. Nina watched him, her eyes bright. She had her mother’s eyes. The same eyes that had watched him fail before. It would be different this time. It had to be different this time. She wouldn’t die and she certainly wouldn’t see him fail.<br/>       “I need you to close your eyes and count to twenty for me.” <br/>       “I can count even higher than that, daddy!” She giggled. <br/>       He smiled, “Okay, count as high as you can.” <br/>       Nina nodded and started counting. Alexander sat, his tail wagging lazily. He could stand up right now and try something else. Surely there was a drifter or two he could use instead. <br/>       “One, two, three…”<br/>       No. It had to be her. There wasn’t time to find someone else. They would be checking his progress within the next week. They were coming and he still needed time to take notes and make observations. He needed time he didn’t have. Shou leaned closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He pushed away the thoughts that this might be the last time he can do that. <br/>       “Four, five, six…”<br/>       Another breath to steal his nerves. He made sure he was outside of the circle. That would have been far messier than he could deal with. Three entities combined… Another time. He would investigate that another time if he stayed on with the military. That was surely something they would be interested in funding. Perhaps then he could start taking time to raise her properly. He was sure his own anxieties and frequent absence were starting to take their toll on her. <br/>       “Seven, eight, nine…” <br/>       He closed his eyes and pressed his palms together before pressing them to the floor. There was a moment. A flash of light that shone even through his eyelids. A distorted cry that stopped just as soon as it started. Then it was over. He’d done it and there was no going back. His stomach lurched at the thought of opening his eyes and seeing what he had done. What he had created. <br/>       Another breath to slow his heart rate. One more just to stall. His hands came to rest on his thighs. They balled into fists. Another moment. Please just let him have another moment to not face what he had done. Perhaps he would open them and she would still be there. Same as always. She’d smile and wrap her arms around his neck and be so proud of helping him. <br/>       The silence around him screamed otherwise. <br/>       His eyes opened, and he shut them again immediately. It was too much. He didn’t want the thing before him to be real. He allowed himself one more moment of denial before his eyes opened again. <br/>       The chimera lifted its head and looked at him. Shou nearly retched. All that stopped him was knowing, well suspecting really, that what he'd made could still feel. The full weight of what he had done, all of the implications, hit him all at once. His daughter. His child was now this… this thing. And it was his fault. For what? A paycheck? Prestige? To cease the constant reminders from those above him that they could easily take Nina from him? Now they couldn't. They would have to be together-<br/>       "Da...ddy…"<br/>       She- it?- they could talk! It had worked! A chimera capable of speech! One that was young enough to not plead for death in front of his superiors. One that would be obedient for the most part. He shuffled forward on his knees and reached out a single shaking hand to rest on their forehead. "Nina?"<br/>       "...Hurts…"<br/>       Bile rose and stung his throat. It wasn't supposed to- it shouldn't have hurt! He'd worked that out! He tried to brush the hair from their face to see if they were remotely recognizable. Not at all. That, at least, was good. <br/>      "Sor...ry... can't ...count…. more."<br/>      The halting speech. All too familiar. Another reminder of his failure to learn a damn thing from last time. They were in agony and now he wasn't sure this could be undone. "Its alright. You did really well. I'm proud of you."<br/>      The wagging tail. The wet nose pressed to his cheek. Knives driven into his chest. He stood and stepped back out of the circle. This was all wrong he'd have to start from scratch. State alchemy be damned. Maybe they could give him more time. He checked the circle. No damage had been done. Quickly he etched new symbols into it. It should be enough to undo this. That's what his research said. <br/>      One more try. A deep breath. His eyes squeezed shut again as his palms pressed to the floor. A bright light. <br/>He opened his eyes, now excited to see them separated. Except they weren't. Shock, this time, was merely a numb horror. His limbs were heavy with the weight of his failure. Somehow nothing changed. Again he moved forward. Towards his creation. This time he wrapped his arms tight around them. "I'm sorry." <br/>      It seemed pathetic. To only apologize for what he'd done. He deserved nothing. No forgiveness. No closure. Nothing at all. There were footsteps above him now. Perhaps someone had seen. Perhaps he'd be taken away or killed for his crimes. He knew which he preferred. Except…. Who would take care of Nina then? They wouldn't know how. The steps halted at the top of the stairs. They'd have to keep him. To take care of her. If they wanted to learn anything. The thought revolted him. Just one more thing to add to the ever growing list of things that revolted him. <br/>     "Can… we… play?"<br/>     He wished this was a nightmare. That he'd wake up and be a good man. <br/>     But he wasn't. He was a coward at best, and at worst, well, at worst wasn't something he could bare to think about right now. "Later, dear. Right now, it seems we have guests."</p>
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